18: Relationship Anxiety❤️‍🔥: The Problem with 'When You Know, You Know'

Are you waiting for this moment to KNOW if your partner is “the one”? 😳✨ (take me 3 min Anxiety or Intuition Quiz)

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Are you waiting for this moment to KNOW if your partner is “the one”? 😳✨

Ever find yourself wondering, “Is this THE relationship?” Waiting for that magical moment of certainty to just hit? 💭

Do you feel triggered when you hear the phrase "When you know, you know" … but YOU never knew? You’ve always felt uncertain. You’ve never had this big, WOW moment where your partner is just obviously "THE ONE."

Are you supposed to know?

Maybe you’ve never been sure about your partner or your relationship.

It’s called relationship anxiety… and I’ve got you. 🖤

Because honestly? That phrase used to trigger me hard when I felt uncertain in my own relationship.

 

Today on The Anxious to Secure Podcast 🎙️

We’re unpacking the myth of "When you know, you know"—
and why it might be setting you up to doubt yourself and your relationship. 💔

But don’t worry, I’ll also share some empowering questions you can ask yourself instead.

 

In this episode, we’ll dive into…

⚡ How the "When you know, you know" myth creates unrealistic expectations.
⚡ My personal story of doubt vs. certainty in my current relationship (spoiler: I had MORE doubts than ever after the honeymoon phase!).
⚡ What real love actually looks like—and why it’s not black-and-white.
⚡ How anxious attachment gets triggered when you feel uncertain.
⚡ Coaching questions to help you stop overthinking and start building true security.

 

The truth?
You don’t need a HUGE sign to feel safe in your relationship.

It’s not about waiting for certainty. It’s about doing the work, calming your anxious thoughts, and deciding to go ALL IN. ✨

 

Episode Breakdown

00:00 The Myth of "When You Know, You Know"
01:23 Doubt vs. Certainty: My Personal Story
02:43 The Truth About Real Love: It’s a decision, not magic.
03:52 Why "When You Know" Feels Misleading
05:05 Calm vs. Chaos in Love
06:57 Rewiring Your Brain for Stability
08:04 How to Know if They’re The One (Without Overthinking It)
09:06 The Reality Behind “When You Know”
13:46 You Don’t Need a SIGN to Feel Safe in Your Relationship
20:02 How This ONE Thing Melted My Doubts
20:39 “If It’s Not Easy, Then Something Must Be Wrong.”
24:06 The Dangers of Comparison in Love and How It Fuels Doubt
31:40 “When You Know, You Know” as a Perfectionism TRAP
34:09 Coaching Questions About Doubts and Anxiety in Relationships
36:10 The Real Question Isn’t “Is My Partner The One?”—It’s…

 

Key Takeaways

✨ The phrase 'When you know, you know' sets unrealistic expectations in relationships.
✨ Certainty in love doesn’t magically appear—it’s built through action and commitment.
✨ Attachment styles play a HUGE role in how we experience relationships.
✨ Conflict is NORMAL in relationships and can lead to growth when handled well.
✨ Comparing your relationship to others only creates unnecessary anxiety.
✨ Real love is a decision you make daily—it’s not about perfection or ease.
✨ Trust comes from consistent actions and open communication.
✨ Focusing on the present moment reduces relationship anxiety.
✨ Doubts are an opportunity to grow and deepen your connection.
✨ Choosing each other daily is the foundation of a healthy, lasting relationship.

 

Ever find yourself wondering, “Is this THE relationship?” Waiting for that magical moment of certainty to just hit? 💭

Do you feel triggered when you hear the phrase "When you know, you know" …

 

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