The Anxious To Secure PODCAST

49: Why is my Avoidant Partner SO DEFENSIVE? 🛡 Gottman Warns: this can END Relationships

Defensiveness KILLS relationships, not overnight but slowly. Painfully.
Like emotional water damage, you don’t notice until the floor caves in. 
 
In this episode, relationship coach Jula (hi! that’s me) breaks down:
✶ Why your avoidant partner gets defensive-especially when all you want is closeness✶ How anxious attachment can unknowingly trigger the "Four Horsemen"✶ Gottman’s game-changing research on communication patterns that predict a breakup✶ What defensiveness sounds like in everyday convos + texts✶ How to respond in a way that softens walls, not raises them
 
If you’ve ever said:➞ “Why do they always twist things?”➞ “I just want to talk but it turns into a fight…”➞ “I feel like I’m the only one trying…”
This episode is for YOU. 
 
PLUS...you’ll also get a quick WEEKLY ACTION PLAN at the end...because awareness without action keeps you stuck. Let’s create real shifts
 
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Defensiveness in Relationships01:27 When I was stuck in the Anxious-Avoidant Cycle02:32 What Is Defensiveness in Relationships?04:05 Real Life Examples of Defensiveness in Avoidant-Anxious Relationships04:58 The 4 Horsemen of Relationship Doom 🐎🔥05:25 🐎 01 Why Criticism Feels Like Protection (But Isn’t)05:46 🐎 02 Defensiveness - The Avoidant’s Shield 🛡️06:14 🐎 03 Contempt The Silent Relationship Killer06:39 🐎 04 Stonewalling - When Overwhelm Shuts Us Down07:19 the ONLY thing you can CONTROL08:38 The SOLUTION That Changes Everything ✨🪄10:20 How to Start Differently - Gottman’s SOFT STARTUP Magic11:55 My personal TWIST on GOTTMAN'S FORMULA12:50 The REFRAME in your words that changed the energy14:31 Being Vulnerable so they can be too15:25 Long-term Tool: How to RAISE your vibration in your Relationship16:34 5 Step Weekly Action Plan: Break the Criticism–Defensiveness Loop
 
 
OFFERS: 
🖤📱 ON SALE: "Stop Obsessing Over Texts in 21 Days or Less" —
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety
(It's packed with tools to calm your anxious brain &
Finally stop spiralling after every “seen” or emoji reply)
 
🖤 How to Stop OVERTHINKING Your Relationship in 4 Steps (With Your Avoidant Partner)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse
 
FREE:
🖤 FREE Attachment LIBRARY:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
 
♥️ YOUTUBE:
How to use CHATGPT as THERAPIST for healing your ANXIOUS attachment
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-g4bJH_Kb1g&t=3273s&list=PLkaamihHgLaFKGx4eLHBUzKube_Xd7So2&index=2&t=47s
 
 
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

48: ✨ 10 Things I Wish I KNEW in My 20s about relationships, love, mindset, anxiety, dating (BEFORE healing my Anxious attachment)

🖤 Attachment Style QUIZ 
https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz
🎧 Listen now BEFORE you turn 30:
 
(Or honestly… even if you’re already past it ✨ this still hits.)
If you're in your 20s, anxiously attached, and OVER second-guessing yourself in relationships, friendships, or your life path ...this episode is a wake-up call 📱🖤
 
I’m breaking down 10 brutally honest lessons I wish someone had told me before I kept chasing people who didn’t see me… abandoning my needs to feel liked… and confusing chemistry with connection 💭💔
(While I have no regrets, because all of these taught me SO much and made me who I am...
I  still do SECRETLY wish I could turn back the clock for some...)
 
This episode isn’t relationship or mindset advice ... it’s more me being vulnerable.
So if you want to build real confidence, stop self-abandoning, and being kind to yourself...this might be your episode.
 
🎧 Listen to this if you:★ Keep choosing partners who feel hot and cold★ Want to stop overthinking relationships + reading into everything and have negative self talk★Are tired of abandoning your needs to “keep the peace”★Want to FEEL secure without needing constant reassurance
 
OFFERS: 
🖤📱 ON SALE: "Stop Obsessing Over Texts in 21 Days or Less" —
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety
(It's packed with tools to calm your anxious brain &
Finally stop spiralling after every “seen” or emoji reply)
 
🖤 How to Stop OVERTHINKING Your Relationship in 4 Steps (With Your Avoidant Partner)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse
 
FREE:
🖤 FREE Attachment LIBRARY:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
 
♥️ YOUTUBE:
How to use CHATGPT as THERAPIST for healing your ANXIOUS attachment
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-g4bJH_Kb1g&t=3273s&list=PLkaamihHgLaFKGx4eLHBUzKube_Xd7So2&index=2&t=47s
 
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Lessons from My 20s: A Journey of Self-Discovery02:25 10 things I WISH I’d known in my 20s02:48 #01 The energy I wasted not speaking up for myself04:05 #02 Fitting in isn’t the same as belonging05:29 #03. If I had learned social skills earlier, I could’ve avoided years of social anxiety06:50 #04 Alcohol is NOT a shortcut to confidence08:26 #05. Hanging out with the wrong people just to be liked is self-abandonment09:36 #06. Letting parents' opinions dictate my decisions stole my power11:25 #07. Over-giving in my first relationship destroyed my self-worth12:31 #08. There’s a difference between unavailability and avoidant attachment13:51 #09. Attaching too fast makes fantasy feel like fate15:36 #10. Your thoughts are not facts16:28 Bonus Lessons...I WOULD tattoo on my soul16:38 ➤ BONUS 0118:49 ➤ BONUS 220:00 ➤ BONUS 03
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
 

47: How to use CHATGPT 🤖❤️‍🩹 as THERAPIST for healing your ANXIOUS attachment with prompts

STEAL MY FREE 3o+ ChatGPT Prompt PDF (for this episode)  NOW:
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/chatgptprompts
 
Ready to STOP Being Controlled by Your Anxious Attachment? 🧠✨
How to Use ChatGPT as Your 24/7 AI Therapist (and finally heal those attachment wounds!)
In this episode of The Anxious to Secure Podcast, I'm revealing my SECRET WEAPON that's helping my clients transform their anxious attachment without spending thousands on therapy! 💸
Your phone has a hidden therapist, bestie, and secure attachment coach all in one - and I'm showing you EXACTLY how to use it! 🔥
You'll discover:
My 5-STEP SYSTEM for using ChatGPT to calm anxiety spirals 😌
30+ POWERFUL PROMPTS that work at 2AM when your chest is tight & you can't stop overthinking 📱
How to create your own AI THERAPY CONTAINER that understands your unique triggers 💭
The EXACT words to type when you're feeling "not good enough" or scared they'll leave 🖤
Whether you're obsessively checking your phone after they "need space" or you're caught in the same anxious patterns AGAIN...
This episode is a GAME-CHANGER for anyone ready to build secure attachment from within. 🌱
Because healing doesn't have to wait for an opening on your therapist's calendar or cost your entire paycheck! 💸
🎧 Listen now + download your FREE ChatGPT Prompt Cheat Sheet to start feeling secure TODAY!
P.S. Want more tools for healing anxious attachment? 👀 Grab my FREE Attachment Library with worksheets, guides & resources mentioned in this episode!
 
🖤 FREE Attachment LIBRARY:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
 
CHATPERS:
00:00 Can AI Heal Your Anxious Attachment and be REALLY your free therapist?02:04 My Clients Success Using AI03:12 How I healed my Anxious Attachment Style04:21 4 SECRETS to USE ChatGPT as your free Therapist05:18 #01 Ask Context-Rich Questions06:29 #02 Tell ChatGPT exactly HOW you want support.06:47 #03 Name your physical sensations and emotional triggers with precision07:10 #04 Never settle for surface-level insights.07:47 ✶ Your 5-step SYSTEM for healing anxious attachment with ChatGPT ✶07:55 ✶ STEP 0: Setting Up Your ChatGPT Healing Container08:24 Chat 01: Your personal, free therapist09:47 Chat 02: Your BESTIE11:02 Chat 03: You 2.012:09 Chat 04: YOUR Nervous System Coach13:05 Chat 05: Your Journal Partner14:13 PRO TIPS16:35 IMPORTANT BEFORE using AI AS Therapist17:15 Free Attachment Library for more resources18:29 ✶ STEP 1: Calming Your Anxious Mind & Body19:52 Prompt 01 (With ChatGPT answering)21:17 Prompt 02 (With ChatGPT Answering)23:07 Prompt 0324:19 Prompt 0425:28 Prompt 0526:37 Prompt 0626:55 Prompt 07 (With ChatGPT Answering)29:01 Prompt 08 (Having ChatGPT Answer)30:09 ✶ STEP 2: Envisioning & Embodying Your Secure Self30:42 Prompt 0131:04 Prompt 0231:17 Prompt 03 (Having ChatGPT Answer)33:46 ✶ STEP 3: Transform Your Core Beliefs36:47 Prompt 0138:48 Prompt 0239:43 Prompt 03 (Having ChatGPT Answer)43:22 Prompt 05 (Having ChatGPT Answer)45:20 Prompt 0646:40 ✶ STEP 4: Meeting Your Deeper Needs47:08 Prompt 01 (Having ChatGPT Answer)49:36 Prompt 0250:20 Prompt 0350:41 Prompt 0451:41 Prompt 05 (having ChatGPT Answer)53:08 Prompt 0554:21 ✶ STEP 5: BONUS: Healing Your Inner Child54:31 Prompt 0155:21 Prompt 02 (Having ChatGPT Answer)56:59 Prompt 0359:34 Prompt 0401:00:38 Prompt 0501:01:13 ✶ Your 5 Step Secure Action Plan ✶
 
 
📢 ON SALE 📢 🖤 Attachment 101 Master Guide 🖤 only 7 EURO.
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/101
 
♥️ YOUTUBE:
(4 ways How to DETACH emotionally)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLi57Sgd3nE&t=1567s
 
♥️ Anxious to Secure PLAYLIST
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkaamihHgLaGB8Cui2BEQqnZDO5jK2GYf&si=MZVdY40W00Rgqcht
 
 
🖤 Attachment Style QUIZ 
https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz
 
🖤 How to Stop OVERTHINKING Your Relationship in 4 Steps (With Your Avoidant Partner)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
 
 

46: How to HEAL Your 💗 Feminine Energy + Anxious Attachment in Your Relationships (5 STEPS)

How to Heal Your 💗 Feminine Energy + Anxious Attachment in Your Relationships (5 Steps)
Feeling stuck in overthinking, overgiving, or over-controlling in your relationships?
You’re not alone.
This episode is for the women who feel EXHAUSTED from constantly doing, fixing, proving, and chasing... but deep down, just want to feel safe enough to soften, trust, and receive love without fear of abandonment.
In this powerful episode, I walk you through 5 essential steps to heal your anxious attachment and reconnect with your feminine energy — in a way that actually feels safe to your nervous system.
🧠 We talk about:
How anxious attachment leads to toxic masculine energy patterns (control, overfunctioning, hyper-independence)
Why you can’t "just surrender" if your nervous system is still in survival mode
What it actually means to feel safe in a relationship
The difference between masculine vs feminine energy (and why both are healthy — when balanced)
How to stop overworking, overanalyzing, and over-efforting in love
Real signs you're stuck in survival mode (and how to gently come out)
🔥 Plus: Practical journal prompts, nervous system tools, and coaching questions to help you drop the mask and reconnect with your soft, secure self — without losing your strength.
This is deep inner work. But if you’re ready to stop managing love and start receiving it — this episode will meet you where you are.
🎧 Listen now for real talk, real tools, and real healing...lets gooo.
 
 
🖤 Grab my mini-course
"Stop Obsessing Over Texts in 21 Days or Less" —
It's packed with tools to calm your anxious brain &
finally stop spiralling after every “seen” or emoji reply.
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse
 
🖤 FREE Attachment LIBRARY
(worksheets, prompts, quizzes and more)
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
 
 
♥️ YOUTUBE:
(4 ways How to DETACH emotionally)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLi57Sgd3nE&t=1567s
 
♥️
10 Ways to DECENTER Men in Relationships 2025 -
Stop Chasing Male Validation
http://youtube.com/watch?v=xE4Ebl92uUY&list=PLkaamihHgLaGB8Cui2BEQqnZDO5jK2GYf&index=5
 
 
🖤 Attachment Style QUIZ 
https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz
 
 
🖤 How to Stop OVERTHINKING Your Relationship in 4 Steps (With Your Avoidant Partner)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse
 
📺 CHAPTERS
00:00 INTRO: How to heal your FEMININE energy + ANXIOUS attachment in Your Relationships01:15 WHY you can't "SURRENDER" to HIM03:09 WHY you can't lean back into your FEMININE energy!04:01 How SURVIVAL energy looks like - wounded feminine energy08:27 So what IS masculine vs feminine energy?09:04 5 Steps to Heal Anxious Attachment AND Feminine Energy!10:51 Step 1: Ask — Am I Safe Here?12:24 Step 2: Recognise the Masculine Mask13:22 Step 3: Regulate Before You Receive15:31 Step 4: Lean Into Little Soft Moments17:08 Step 5: Heal Your Abandonment Wounds
 
 
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

45: Do THIS When he Doesn't REPLY to Your Text - Anxious to Secure Attachment GUIDE

🖤 WHEN HE DOESN’T TEXT BACK... (it's NOT about him. You DON'T need his reassurance.)🖤
 
🖤📱 ON SALE: "Stop Obsessing Over Texts in 21 Days or Less" —
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety
(It's packed with tools to calm your anxious brain &
Finally stop spiralling after every “seen” or emoji reply)
 
If your stomach drops every time he leaves you on read…If your brain screams “he’s pulling away” when there’s no reply…
This episode will help you calm your nervous system, shift your beliefs, and stop spiraling when he doesn’t text back.
You’ll get actual TOOLS — not just “go for a walk” 🙄 — and learn how to rewire your response to texting anxiety from the inside out.
This isn’t about pretending you don’t care.It’s about learning to feel SAFE even when your phone is silent.
✨💭👀 Whether it’s been 24 hours, a full day, or just a few minutes, your anxious brain is probably filling in the blanks with fear:➞ Why hasn’t he replied?➞ Did I say something wrong?➞ Is he over me?
I GOT YOU. Let’s untangle that.This is your full breakdown of why texting anxiety happens —
and how to feel calmer, more grounded, and secure AF 💪🏽🖤
 
 
🖤 FREE Attachment LIBRARY
(worksheets, prompts, quizzes and more)
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
 
 
♥️ YOUTUBE:
(4 ways How to DETACH emotionally)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WLi57Sgd3nE&t=1567s
 
♥️ Anxious to Secure PLAYLIST
https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkaamihHgLaGB8Cui2BEQqnZDO5jK2GYf&si=MZVdY40W00Rgqcht
 
 
🖤 Attachment Style QUIZ 
https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz
 
🖤 How to Stop OVERTHINKING Your Relationship in 4 Steps (With Your Avoidant Partner)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse
 
📺 CHAPTERS00:00 Understanding Text Anxiety01:47 The Roots of Anxious Attachment03:08 Visualisation of the SECURE SELF: WHY it works06:13 TRY THIS EXERCISE:06:40 Anxious attachment behaviors to AVOID08:48 Free Resources: The ATTACHMENT LIBRARY09:21 Do this when they don't reply to your text: secure behaviors09:59 The Secret of building SELF-TRUST12:57 Stop OBSESSING over TEXTs in 21 DAYS or less13:54 F.A.R.E. FRAMEWORK to rewire your Anxious Beliefs17:02 Exposure Therapy for Anxious Attachment: Step-by-Step17:18 SET UP your phone for success18:37 Exposure Therapy for Dating Anxiety21:03 Gradual Exposure Therapy for Relationships23:42 Hacks to reduce phone-dopamine addiction25:37 Your 8-Step Action PLAN for Text Anxiety28:45 Final Takeaway
 
✨ What You’ll Learn (And Actually Use)
➞ Why a slow reply triggers PANIC in anxious attachment — and how that pain is tied to abandonment wiring in your nervous system➞ The exact thoughts that fuel texting anxiety (like “he’s over me” or “I ruined it”) — and how to challenge them with your F.A.R.E. framework 🧠➞ How to pause instead of spiraling — with one powerful visualization tool that builds safety in your body ✨➞ What anxious behaviors to AVOID (like rereading the thread 50x, sending more texts, or jumping to worst-case thinking)➞ The REAL difference between a red flag 🚩 and an attachment trigger — especially when he doesn’t text for 24+ hours➞ Why ignoring him back doesn’t make you more secure — and what to do instead that ACTUALLY shifts your power back 🖤➞ How to soothe your obsession with your phone 📱 and break the dopamine loop that’s keeping you hooked on the next reply➞ What a secure woman might say to herself when she doesn’t get a text back — and how YOU can practice that mindset, too 💪🏽➞ Why “giving him space” isn’t about freezing yourself out or pretending you don’t care — it’s about making space INSIDE you➞ How to respond to emotional silence without losing your voice — aligned options that honor your feelings without chasing➞ What to do when your body wants to panic but you know texting won’t fix it — try the 8-step calm plan I walk you through➞ How to use gradual exposure to build nervous system tolerance to texting silence (without ghosting your own needs)➞ Tools to rewire your thoughts and behaviors in the moment — so you can stop obsessing over texts and reclaim your calm 🧠
 
📓✨ BONUS TOOL: Your 8-Step Action PlanUse this anytime you’re spiraling about a text ⬇
BREATHE – Inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4
FIND THE THOUGHT – “He’s pulling away,” “I’m too much.”
ASK QUESTIONS – Is this FACT or just FEAR?
REFRAME + ECHO – “This is an old wound.”
VISUALIZE – Calm, confident, no urge to reply
GRADUAL EXPOSURE – Sit with the discomfort for 15 mins
REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY – “Am I letting this text control my whole life?”
BUILD EVIDENCE – “I’ve survived worse than this”
🧠 This episode will help you feel less crazy, less desperate, and WAY more in control the next time you feel that panicky texting spiral.
 
 
📢 ON SALE 📢 🖤 Attachment 101 Master Guide 🖤 only 7 EURO.
(👀 Anxious spin to Secure within)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/101
 
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

44: 10 ways to DECENTER men in relationships in 2025 (to Stop Chasing Male Validation and Choose YOU)

🖤 FREE Attachment LIBRARY:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
 
🎙️ 10 Ways to Start Decentering Men in 2025
(To Stop Chasing Male Validation + Choose YOU) | Anxious to Secure Podcast
✨ Tired of obsessing over HIS texts, HIS moods, HIS validation?✨ Ready to stop letting your anxious attachment call the shots?✨ Want to feel like the main character in YOUR life again?
Let’s go 💃✨
In this episode of Anxious to Secure, I’m sharing 10 REAL, doable ways to start decentering men in 2025 — especially if you’re anxiously attached and lose yourself in love 🖤
This isn’t about hating men 🚫 — it’s about healing the part of you that makes someone else the CENTER of your world... while you disappear in the background 😢
➡️ You'll learn:
What “decentering” actually means (and what it doesn’t)
Why anxious brains cling harder in relationships
Subtle signs you’re making HIM the center of your worth
Micro-habits to start choosing YOU every day (without guilt)
My favorite mirror reframes to stop spiraling + start rewiring ✨
 
🔒When you make someone else your emotional oxygen...You reinforce the belief that you’re only worthy if they stay.No thanks. Let’s unlearn that together 💪🏽
Whether you're in a relationship, dating, or healing from a breakup — this episode will help you gently + boldly reclaim your energy, identity, and power 🧠✨
 
🧠 Especially powerful if:
You overthink after every text 📱
You feel anxious when they pull away
You’re afraid to be alone or single
You feel like you keep losing yourself in love
👀 Stay until the end for Step 10 — mirror reframes to literally rewire your brain and re-center YOU in your nervous system 🪞✨
🎧 Press play if you’re ready to STOP chasing and START choosing 🖤And don’t forget to follow + share this episode if it hit deep 🫶
 
 
P.S. Struggling with texting anxiety? 👀
Grab my mini-course "Stop Obsessing Over Texts in 21 Days or Less" — It's packed with tools to calm your anxious brain & finally stop spiralling after every “seen” or emoji reply.
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse
 
🎁 FREE STUFF:
⭑ 3-Min Attachment Style Quiz
https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz
⭑ Relationship Anxiety "he doesn't reply" Flowchart
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/flow
 
Watch me YOUTUBE:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34D7rN-81T8&list=PLkaamihHgLaGB8Cui2BEQqnZDO5jK2GYf&index=3&t=707s
 
🎓 MINI COURSES
🖤 TEXT ANXIETY Mini-Course: Stop Obsessing Over Text in 27 days or less
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety
🖤 Stop Overthinking Your Relationship With Your Avoidant Partner in 4 Steps
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse
 
✨ 1:1 SUPPORT ✨
🖤 Ready to become more SECURE?
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/coaching
🖤 Text and Talk Your Secure Attachment Coach—Right in Your Pocket!
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
 
 
 
 
 
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding the Importance of Decentering Men01:35 Decentering ANYONE (not just MEN)02:02 ✶ 01: What is "DeCentering" and What It's Not02:51 ✶ 02: Why This Work is So Needed04:08 ✶ 03: Why This Hits Anxious Attachments HARD05:10 ✶ 04: Signs You've Centered Your Partner TOO Much06:58 ✨ 10 Ways to DECENTER Men in Romantic Relationships07:03 01 Main Character Energy09:03 02 PAIN REWIRING Journal Prompt10:44 03 Build Self-Trust12:49 How to stop obsessing over TEXT: Mini Course14:07 04 Be Obsessed With Yourself15:10 05 Be Obsessed With Your Life16:51 06 Show Up For Yourself Consistently17:43 07 Give Yourself What You Crave From Him19:21 08 Become Independently Badass in ALL Areas21:55 09 Rewire With Possibility25:01 10 Choose a Mantra That Reclaims YOU25:58 Do THIS for 1 week... to CENTER YOURSELF26:58 QUICK RECAP
 
 
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
 
Love, Jula
Your Anxious to Secure Coach
 
 

43: 10 Things I would NOT Do Anymore as the Secure, Best Version of Myself (Signs of a Secure Attachment Style)

Ready to EXIT Your Insecure Era? 🖤✨
10 Things I would NOT Do Anymore as the Secure, Best Version of Myself
(bye bye Anxious Attachment - HELLO Secure Attachment)
In this episode of The Anxious to Secure Podcast, I’m sharing the TOP 10 things I used to do when I was stuck in anxious attachment mode 😩... that I no longer do as the secure, grounded, high-self-worth version of me.
 
These are the patterns I’ve let go of ✨Because feeling safe in love starts with YOU. 🧠📓
▶️ Whether you're constantly questioning your worth after a text...▶️ Or staying in "situationships" hoping they'll magically turn into something real...▶️ Or bending your needs to feel "easygoing" just to keep the peace...
This episode is a WAKE-UP CALL 🛎 and a loving ✨pep talk✨ in one.
 
You'll hear:
Real signs of secure attachment in everyday life 🖤
10 habits I had to UNLEARN to heal my anxious attachment ✂️
Micro-examples of how insecurity shows up (and how to shift it) 🧠
The deeper WHY behind each thing I stopped doing — so you can rewire your brain + protect your peace
💭 If you’re tired of chasing crumbs, falling for unavailable people, or abandoning your needs just to feel “chosen” — this one’s for you.
 
You’ll learn how each behavior connects to one of the 6 Core Areas of Secure Love: ✨ Emotional Safety✨ Self-Esteem + Confidence✨ Interdependency✨ Assertive Self-Expression✨ Emotional Mastery✨ Inner Calm
Because healing anxious attachment isn't about becoming someone new...It's about becoming MORE of the secure, powerful, peaceful version of YOU.
🎧 Tune in now + start embodying the love you truly deserve
 
P.S. Struggling with texting anxiety? 👀
Grab my mini-course "Stop Obsessing Over Texts in 21 Days or Less" — It's packed with tools to calm your anxious brain & finally stop spiralling after every “seen” or emoji reply.
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse
 
🖤 FREE Attachment LIBRARY:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
 
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Ready to EXIT Your Insecure Era? Introduction00:37 Signs THIS episode is for YOU (and are Anxious Attached)01:09 How I healed my Anxious Attachment02:56 10 Things I absolutely will NOT do anymore as the secure Version of myself03:10 01 I Won't Chase Emotionally Unavailable People05:43 02 I Won't Convince Others of My Worth09:11 03 I Won't Ignore Major Value Mismatches12:01 BONUS: I Won't Obsess Over Texts ANYMORE13:56 04 I Won't Abandon Boundaries and lose Self Respect16:54 05 I Won't Put My Needs Last to Keep the Peace.18:03 06. I Won't Take Responsibility for Their Emotional World20:23 07. I Won't Over-function to Prove I'm Worth Staying For21:47 08. I Won't Let My Triggers Choose for Me.22:43 09. I Won't Chase for Validation. I Chase Myself Now.23:45 10. I Won't Make Their Inconsistency Mean I'm Not Enough25:52 Never forget THIS:

42: How to stop NEEDING constant reassurance (how to feel certain from within)

Do you constantly need reassurance in your relationship?
Are you always seeking validation from your partner and feeling anxious when they don't respond?
I get it - I used to be the same way.
In this episode of the Anxious to Secure PODCAST, I'll show you how to stop needing constant reassurance and finally feel certain from WITHIN.
The only, empowered and independent way to go in relationships.
 
You'll learn WHY your anxious attachment makes you crave certainty 24/7, and more importantly, how to break this exhausting cycle.
I'm sharing 3 life-changing ways to meet your need for certainty without chasing it - including self-reassurance techniques, building a support system beyond your partner, and expressing needs without being needy.
PLUS, I'll guide you through a practical exercise to rewire your beliefs and create that inner safety you've been searching for.
If you're tired of overanalyzing texts, needing constant check-ins, or feeling like you're "too much," this is for you.
Let's create that security from within together.
 
🧠 Stop Overthinking Your Relationship (4-Step Course):
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse
 
⭑ Attachment Library: 25 plus resources 
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
 
⭑ 1:1 Support Options ⭑
(Text + Talk, 90min Breakthrough Call, 4/8 month Private Coaching)
https://tr.ee/PInPmy
 
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Anxious Attachment and the Need for Certainty01:51 My Story: When I Used to Crave Constant Certainty03:40 ROOT CAUSE: Why This Need for Certainty Hurts So Much05:09 Consequences of your need for CERTAINTY goes UNMET05:41 3 Ways to Meet Your Need for Certainty (Without Chasing It)05:45 01 Give it to YOURSELF (Self-Reassurance and Self-Trust)08:30 02 Get it from other SAFE people (not just your partner)09:54 03 Learn to Express Needs in Healthy, Detached Ways11:23 Text + Talk: Support to heal your Anxious Attachment13:49 EXERCISE: Rewiring Beliefs for Certainty and Security15:38 Never forget THIS about your NEED for Certainty + Safety
 
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns. Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
 

41: GUIDE How to feel CHOSEN seen and valued in your Anxious Avoidant Relationship

How to Feel Chosen, Seen & Valued in Your Relationship (Without Chasing or Overgiving)🖤✨ PART 5 of the "Meet Your Relationship Needs" Series ✨🖤
If you’ve ever felt like…🔸 You're always giving more than you receive🔸 You're tired of feeling invisible or not good enough🔸 You're constantly second-guessing texts, convos, and even your place in the relationship...
 
This episode is your permission slip to stop chasing ✋and start feeling significant, chosen & emotionally safe again 🧠✨
Inside, I walk you through:✣ What the need for SIGNIFICANCE really means for anxious attachers✣ Why not feeling "chosen" can activate deep abandonment triggers✣ How this need shows up in early dating, long-term relationships, and even in fights or silences✣ 3 powerful ways to meet this need WITHOUT overfunctioning or people-pleasing
 
You’ll hear:🖤 A raw story from my own life when I felt overlooked & rejected🖤 The ROOT of why your partner might not be meeting your emotional needs (and it’s not what you think)🖤 Real tools like the FARE framework + inner child work to rewire your old patterns🖤 How to expand your circle of validation (so it’s not all riding on one person)🖤 What detached but honest communication actually looks like
If you're anxiously attached, in an anxious-avoidant relationship, or just tired of overthinking every interaction... this one’s for you 💭🖤
 
 
🎁 FREE RESOURCES: ⭑ Attachment Library: 25+ resources
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
 
⭑ 3-Min Attachment Style Quiz
https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz
 
⭑ Relationship Anxiety Flowchart
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/flow
 
📢 ON SALE 📢 🖤 Attachment 101 Master Guide 🖤 only 7 EURO.
(👀 Anxious spin to Secure within)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/101
 
🖤 TEXT ANXIETY - How to STOP obsessing over their text in 21 days or less 
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety
 
🖤 STOP OVERTHINKING Your Relationship with your AVOIDANT Partner (4 Steps)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse
 
📘 GRAB MY ANXIOUS TO SECURE BLUEPRINT COURSE! 🔐
Get on the waitlist for exclusive early-bird pricing to heal your Anxious Attachment in 2025.
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/blueprint
 
🖤 Ready to Heal Your Anxious Attachment to detach for good? 🖤
Book A free call to check if we are a good match:
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/coaching
 
 
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

40: 4 STEPS: How to Break the Anxious-Avoidant Trap 🔄❤️‍🩹

🎙️ How to Break the Anxious-Avoidant Trap | Anxious to Secure in Love 🧠💬
 
If you feel stuck in a confusing hot-and-cold relationship dynamic, this episode is your lifeline.We’re breaking down how to break the anxious-avoidant trap—even if your avoidant partner isn’t doing the work (yet).
You'll learn the exact steps to go from anxious to secure, without begging for closeness or obsessing over every text 🖤
This episode will help you: ➞ Understand the anxious-avoidant cycle and why it’s so addictive➞ Spot the red flags that keep you chasing emotionally unavailable love➞ Discover why YOU alone can start breaking the anxious avoidant cycle today➞ Learn how your nervous system and attachment history keep pulling you back in➞ Reclaim your power and heal your anxious attachment—step by step
Whether you're deep in your healing or just beginning to explore attachment styles, this conversation will bring you clarity, hope, and real tools for change. Because yes, healing anxious attachment is 100% possible—even in a relationship with someone avoidant.
 
📢 ON SALE 📢
 
🖤 Attachment 101 Master Guide 🖤 (👀 Anxious spin to Secure within)
➤➤➤ only €7: *Currently on sale: CODE: 90OFF
 
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/101
 
🖤 TEXT ANXIETY – How to STOP Obsessing Over Their Text in 21 Days or Less 🖤
➡️ If your peace DISAPPEARS the second they don’t reply, or you read too much into their "thumbs up" reply—your partner's communication is NOT the problem. Your anxious brain is.
You DON’T need another text. You need this: Tools to break your obsession with them.
➤➤➤ https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety
 
🖤 STOP OVERTHINKING Your Relationship with Your AVOIDANT Partner (4 Steps)
*on beta = sale * (= additional free get 1:1 email support)
➡️ If you're constantly worried about the future INSTEAD of enjoying today, then what's the point of the relationship? You’re not building love; your anxious brain is obsessed with chasing fear.
➤➤➤ Ready to live in the present?
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse
 
 
📘 GRAB MY ANXIOUS TO SECURE BLUEPRINT COURSE! 🔐
Get on the waitlist for exclusive early-bird pricing to heal your anxious attachment style.
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/blueprint
 
 
🎁 FREE RESOURCES:
YOUTUBE:
https://www.youtube.com/@theanxioustosecurecoach
 
⭑ Attachment Library:
25+ resources https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
 
⭑ 3-Min Attachment Style Quiz 
https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz
 
⭑ Relationship Anxiety Flowchart
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/flow Ready to Heal Your Anxious Attachment to detach for good?
 
☁️ The Worry-Free ☁️ Flow-Chart for Relationship Anxiety
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/worryfree
 
🖤 Book A free Call to check if we are a good match for my 1:1 programs to heal your anxious attachment:
https://tr.ee/PInPmy
 
🧠✨ Episode Chapters: 00:00 Understanding the Anxious Avoidant Cycle00:54 What is the Anxious-Avoidant Trap?01:27 Signs You're Caught in the Trap01:59 Why It Hooks You In and is so Addictive?03:14 3 Steps of the The Hot-and-Cold Cycle04:22 5 Reasons YOU Alone Can Break the Cycle 🌟05:22 #01 You can control your triggers06:08 #02 You can change how you seek reassurance07:31 #03 You can rewire your beliefs about abandonment08:37 #04 You can stop overanalyzing and start trusting09:51 #05 You can own your emotions10:56 Stop Obsessing Over Texts in 21 Days or Less12:08 4 Steps to Break the Cycle : Step 0114:00 Step 0217:04 Step 0319:37 Step 0421:02 The Neuroscience Behind Your Reactions 🧠22:07 Breaking the Addiction to the Cycle24:57 Never forget THIS
 
 
 
Remember:
Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.