The Anxious To Secure PODCAST

68: How to Lose an Avoidant Guy in 7 Steps (Your Perfect Recipe for Breakup)

Have you ever wondered why your avoidant partner pulls away the second you get close? Why he goes quiet after a great date, or suddenly needs “space” when things feel perfect?
 
This episode is for YOU if you’ve ever caught yourself thinking:✔ “What did I do wrong?”✔ “Why does he shut down instead of talking about it?”✔ “How do I make him stay… without feeling like I’m chasing him?”
I’m breaking down the 7 things women  (or anyone with an anxious attachment) does (without even realizing it!) that push an avoidant guy away...
step by step...and WHY these behaviours feel so triggering to him
 
This episode was inspired by How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, but trust me, this isn’t just about a movie.
This is about your attachment style colliding with his… and what you can do differently
 
Here’s what we’ll cover:✨ Why oversharing ALL your trauma on date one sends him running.✨ Why making him your whole world feels like pressure (and what to do instead).✨ Why those late-night text novels when you’re triggered make him shut down.✨ The truth about silence, distance, and why it’s NOT rejection.✨ How turning his emotional availability into a test of your worth is ruining your peace
 
And most importantly… how to STOP this pattern and finally feel secure in love
 
Because here’s the truth:Avoidants aren’t heartless. They’re scared too. Just like you.They learned as kids that closeness = danger. You learned closeness = safety. That’s why your love feels like a constant push-and-pull.
 
But the GOOD NEWS? You can break this cycle without changing him.It starts with your nervous system. It starts with YOU feeling safe, even when he pulls back.
 
LISTEN NOW or WATCH ON YOUTUBEBecause healing doesn’t start in the moment you spiral.It starts in the micro-moments you live every day.
 
Love,Jula  Your Anxious to Secure Coach 🖤
 
➞ Monthly Text + Talk Support 📲 🖤
(daily coaching, check-ins + reassurance and becoming secure, text by text, commitment free support, cancel any month)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk
➞ Monthly Coaching Calls 📞🖤
(2x calls a month or unlimited calls + text support to help you become secure)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/oneononecoachingsubscription
 
MY SHOP
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop
 
COURSES 👩🏻‍💻📓✍🏻(for little money)
➞ How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship with Your Avoidant Attached Partner in 4 Steps
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse
 
➞ How to Stop OBSESSING over your text in 21 days or less (did they reply? why haven’t they texted yet? what did they mean only texted a thumbs up?)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety
 
 
Grab more FREE resources:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop
 
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Avoidant Attachment Styles + What how you trigger them01:38 How Avoidant's Grew Up and how their Attachment Style was created03:23 How to LOSE an avoidant guy in 7 Steps (Your Recipe for breakup)04:38 01. Overshare all your trauma in the first 10 mins06:28 02. Make them your whole world07:45 03. Text novels when you're triggered10:20 04. Assume every silence means abandonment12:18 05. Expect them to meet ALL your needs13:35 Free Attachment Resources + Work with me 1:115:09 06. Try to fix the “disconnect” with more connection16:42 07. Make his emotional availability a test of YOUR worth18:17 What does work if you're Anxious and they are Avoidant
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

67: Anxious Attachment: “I never feel like a priority in my relationship” DO THIS

If you've ever thought... “Why don’t I feel like a priority in my relationship?” “Why do I spiral the moment they cancel plans or go quiet?” “Why is my Avoidant Attached partner always me feel I don't matter..”
 
Then this episode is for you:
 
In today’s deep-dive, I break down:✶ Why your brain + nervous system are constantly scanning for signs you don’t matter✶ The self-fulfilling prophecy of “I’m not important”✶ How anxious attachment keeps proving the same story over and over✶ What to do when your body goes into panic—even if it “wasn’t a big deal”✶ 4 Steps to shift the pattern (so you can stop overthinking and start feeling SAFE again)
 
This episode is especially for you if:➞ You feel invisible in your relationship with your avoidant partner➞ You're tired of begging for attention but also afraid to ask for more➞ You feel like you're always chasing crumbs, not getting real connection➞ You're exhausted from always wondering: “Am I too much? Or not enough?”
 
You’ll leave this episode with powerful questions, tools, and proof that you’re not broken.. just stuck in a pattern your nervous system learned a long time ago
Let’s help your body feel safe enough to RECEIVE love
 
 
FREE RESOURCES:
3-min Attachment Quiz, to KNOW your attachment with certainty:
https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz
 
Grab more FREE resources:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop
What you'll find:
"He doesn't reply flow chart
anxious to secure the checklist
21 ways to stop abandoning yourself
the magnetic formula to re-atttract anyone again
stop being "needy" guide
Challenge your thought cheat sheet
End jealousy forever - mega guide 
 
and moooore
 
 
✨Want my personal help with this? Check out these offers and resources:
➞ Monthly Text + Talk Support 📲 🖤
(daily coaching, check-ins + reassurance and becoming secure, text by text, commitment free support, cancel any month)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk
➞ Monthly Coaching Calls 📞🖤
(2x calls a month or unlimited calls + text support to help you become secure)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/oneononecoachingsubscription
 
COURSES 👩🏻‍💻📓✍🏻(for little money)
➞ How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship with Your Avoidant Attached Partner in 4 Steps
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse
 
➞ How to Stop OBSESSING over your text in 21 days or less (did they reply? why haven’t they texted yet? what did they mean only texted a thumbs up?)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety
 
 
CHAPTERS:
00:00 What Happens When You Don’t Feel Like a Priority… in your Relationship01:10 The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy of “I’m Not a Priority”02:29 Micro-Moments + Triggers that make you feel not a Priority04:24 The REAL reason you feel so triggered (and why it's NOT about your Partner)06:45 ✶ Let’s Break the Cycle with the 4R Method ✶06:58 01 Release07:56 02 Rewire15:21 Ways to Work with me 1:1 to become secure17:35 03 Reconnect18:33 04 REFLECT21:00 Never forget these key lessons21:56 How to create an empowered Self-Fulfilling prophecy and be treated as a priority

66: Why am I Anxious in my relationship + Dysregulated EVEN though I’ve Done the Work?

3-min Attachment Quiz, to KNOW your attachment with certainty:
https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz
 
You’ve done everything to feel better in your relationship, right?
✅ You journal.✅ You listen to nervous system experts.✅ You know you're anxiously attached.✅ You meditate, you breathe, you even go to therapy or coaching...
And STILL - you feel constantly on edge 🧨
Still overthinking, still triggered, still asking:“WHY do I feel so anxious in my relationship... even though I'm doing all the work?”
Why am I feeling so dysregulated and snapping at my partner all the time, or walking around on eggshells?
 
In this episode, I’m getting brutally honest about what’s missing...the overlooked piece that’s keeping your nervous system stuck in survival mode.💣 And trust me, it’s NOT just about doing more healing work.
If you feel like you’re always bracing...If you spiral the second they don’t reply...If you’re hyperaware of tone, texts, and silence...👉 THIS is the episode your nervous system has been waiting for.
Inside, I’ll share:✨ Why your 10-min meditations aren't enough✨ How your everyday habits are secretly retriggering your nervous system✨ What real micro-regulation looks like (and how to make it doable)✨ Daily anxious attachment patterns you didn’t even realize were rooted in dysregulation✨ The TRUTH about why you feel unsafe in love... even with a “good” partner
This episode is your wake-up call if you’re:➞ An anxious attacher who wants to feel CALM + SECURE➞ Tired of living in your head, over-analyzing every interaction➞ Craving emotional safety without needing your partner to change➞ Done with “tools” that only work after the spiral has already started
You’ll walk away with real-life examples and daily nervous system practices that help you feel more grounded - in your body AND in your relationship.
Expect practical shifts, relatable stories, and a big sigh of relief that no… you’re NOT broken. You’ve just been missing the invisible layer that changes everything.
Especially if you’ve been in survival mode for years...This one is for you.
 
👇LISTEN NOW or WATCH ON YOUTUBEBecause healing doesn’t start in the moment you spiral.It starts in the micro-moments you live every day.
 
Love, Jula Your Anxious to Secure Coach :)
 
✨Want my personal help with this? Check out these offers and resources:
➞ Monthly Text + Talk Support 📲 🖤
(daily coaching, check-ins + reassurance and becoming secure, text by text, commitment free support, cancel any month)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk
➞ Monthly Coaching Calls 📞🖤
(2x calls a month or unlimited calls + text support to help you become secure)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/oneononecoachingsubscription
 
COURSES 👩🏻‍💻📓✍🏻(for little money)
➞ How to Stop Overthinking Your Relationship with Your Avoidant Attached Partner in 4 Steps
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/overthinkingcourse
 
➞ How to Stop OBSESSING over your text in 21 days or less (did they reply? why haven’t they texted yet? what did they mean only texted a thumbs up?)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textanxiety
 
 
Grab more FREE resources:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop
What you'll find:
"He doesn't reply flow chart
anxious to secure the checklist
21 ways to stop abandoning yourself
the magnetic formula to re-atttract anyone again
stop being "needy" guide
Challenge your thought cheat sheet
End jealousy forever - mega guide 
 
and moooore
 
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Why You're STILL anxious + dysregulated EVEN though You've TRIED it ALL00:49 What dysregulation in your relationship might look like02:28 The missing peace - what you're STILL doing wrong03:38 Micro Moments you're retriggering Your Nervous system DAILY + At Work05:52 How you reinforce your Survival State in your Relationship06:53 the missing piece - How to regulate your nervous system through micro moments12:25 Understanding Your nervous System in our Modern World16:11 What can you do INSTEAD?
 
 
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
 
 
 

65: (5 sneaky) phrases I BANNED from my vocabulary while healing my anxious ATTACHMENT and becoming SECURELY attached

NEW OFFER
Monthly 1:1 Coaching (2x Calls a month) 
https://tr.ee/PInPmy
“5 Phrases I BANNED from My Vocabulary While Healing Anxious Attachment 🧠✨ (And What I Say Instead Now as a Secure Partner)”
 
Ever said “He makes me feel anxious” or “They NEVER show up for me”?Yep... me too 🖤
 
But once I started healing my anxious attachment, I realized something BIG:It wasn’t just my thoughts that were spiraling.It was the words I was using.Out loud AND in my head.
 
This episode is, if you’re ready to:➤ stop sabotaging your relationship with sneaky phrases that spike anxiety➤ feel more in control, calm, and secure... without pretending or people-pleasing➤ rewire your inner voice to sound like the best, most empowered version of you
 
These 5 common phrases might seem small...But they trigger BIG emotional reactions (and old wounds)Let’s clean them up....and I’ll show you exactly what to say instead 
 
You’ll walk away with:✨ 5 Phrases to ditch if you want to feel SECURE in love✨ What to say Instead, as your Secure BEST version of yourself✨ Coaching questions to shift your mindset in real time✨ Real life examples of how these phrases show up when you're anxiously attached
Let’s give your nervous system a reset.... one sentence at a time 
 
 
🖤 Here’s how we can work together:
My Monthly Text & Talk Support  (Coaching via text)
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk
 
Apply for Private 1:1 Coaching: Go all in with my 4/ 8-month 1:1 coaching program Anxious to Secure
https://tr.ee/PInPmy
 
Free Offers + Mini Courses:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
 
 
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Introduction why Words matter in your Relationship02:16 the 5 Phrases I've banned + what I would say Instead as Securely Attached Best Version of Myself02:25 Phrase 0104:38 Phrase 0206:11 Phrase 0308:01 Phrase 0409:34 Phrase 0512:12 Remember
 
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
 

64: How to Process Emotions in a Healthy Way (In Just 90 Seconds) ✨ Stop Letting Anxiety Control Your Relationship

Free Attachment Style Quiz:
https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz
 
If you struggle with anxiety in relationships...If your emotions feel like they’re too much...If you overthink, spiral, or shut down when you're triggered...
This episode is for you 🖤
You’ll learn a simple, science-backed 3-step formula to process emotions in a healthy way.. in just 90 seconds. YES, really. ⏱
 
Yes, this is the process how to actually SIT with your feelings, how to allow them, do a body scan so you can be in control of your emotions, and become more resilient.
 
This is the method I teach all my anxious attachment clients to help them feel calmer, more in control, and SAFER in their own body... without pushing feelings away, texting for reassurance, or blowing up at their partner.
 
 Inside this episode:➞ Why emotions get “stuck” in your body➞ How to stop spiraling after a trigger (even if your partner cancels plans)➞ The exact steps to calm anxiety, overwhelm, fear, or jealousy➞ Real-time coaching & relatable examples➞ PLUS: A 7-day challenge to build your emotional resilience 🌻
This isn’t toxic positivity.This is real emotional mastery.Let’s help your nervous system feel SAFE again.
 
📍 CHAPTERS:
00:00 The Importance of Processing Emotions and Sitting with the Feeling03:53 The 3-Step Formula (90 Sec Rule) to feel your emotion04:51 Step 01: Allow it06:06 Step 02: Name it to Tame it07:40 Step 03: Describe it with Curiosity10:11 Bonus Step: Move with it11:21 How to process ANXIETY: Real Life Step-by-Step Example12:22 Step 01: Allow Anxiety to Be There13:55 Step 02: Name Your Feeling (“A part of me feels...”)15:07 Step 03: Describe the Sensation with Curiosity17:40 Tips for When You Sit with Emotions for the First Time20:49 Do THIS for 7 Days and Become Emotionally Resilient
 
 
🖤 Here’s how we can work together:
Book a free call to see if you like to work with me.Like to be coached via whatsapp weekly?
Join my monthly coaching container: Text & Talk Support to get reassurance + support with your relationship anxiety
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk
 
Apply for Private 1:1 Coaching: Go all in with my 4/ 8-month 1:1 coaching program Anxious to Secure
https://tr.ee/PInPmy
or my
NEW OFFER
Monthly 1:1 Coaching (2x Calls a month) 
https://tr.ee/PInPmy
 
Free Offers + Mini Courses:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
 
P.S.You're not broken.You're just feeling deeply.Let’s help your emotions work for you instead of against you 🤍
 
 
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
 

63: The Body Keeps the Score Summary + Anxious Attachment: Healing Your Nervous System

Have you ever thought…
“I know my partner loves me, so why do I still spiral over a delayed text?”
“Why does my body feel like it’s under attack - even when nothing’s wrong?”
Or why can't I feel calm when Im telling myself to calm down?
 
In this episode, I’m sharing something that changed the way I see my own anxiety..and my body. 
 
The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk helped me finally connect the dots between my silent migraines, my chronic overthinking in relationships, and the deep survival patterns wired into my nervous system.
 
I’ll share:✣ The birthday moment where my migraines got so bad I couldn’t even see the candles ..:(✣ Why trauma isn’t just a big event — it’s what your body remembers✣ 10 key takeaways from the book that explain exactly how anxious attachment shows up in your body✣ What to do when your body panics, even if your partner hasn't done anything wrong
Because if you’ve ever:➞ Felt abandoned over a slow reply➞ Gone from “I’m fine” to “They’re leaving me” in 0.2 seconds➞ Experienced anxiety that shows up as pain, stomach issues, tension, or emotional flooding...
Then this episode will be for you!
 
Want more support?
Attachment Library
 
YOUTUBE: 
@theanxioustosecurecoach
 
📱 Text + Talk CoachingPrivate voice + text support to help you in those anxious moments...when you’re hurt, spiraling, or feeling unseen. Flexible. Affordable. Safe. A monthly subscription.
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk
 
🎯 Mini-CoursesTo stop overthinking your relatonship or manage text anxiety.
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach#collection-7296bbea-c006-4a7c-bd46-2e21b9f64fca
 
🌱 Anxious to Secure CoachingThis is the full transformation.. with bi-weekly calls + support in-between.
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach#collection-c2462624-55df-4b4d-a2e0-c24816d724b4
 
 
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Introduction to Healing Anxious Attachment03:19 How Anxious Attachment Impacts your Body Long-term04:48 10 Lessons of The Body Keeps the Score + Anxious Attachment04:56 Lesson 0107:08 Lesson 0208:19 Lesson 0309:50 Lesson 0410:48 Lesson 0512:09 Lesson 0613:37 Lesson 0718:53 Lesson 0821:33 Lesson 0923:36 Lesson 10

62: Q+A Series 3: Can anxious and avoidant relationships work? How to break the anxious avoidant cycle

I remember one night… I was crying. Not loudly.Just quietly. Silently.And he didn’t even look up. 
I didn’t need him to fix it.I just needed him to care. To ask. To hold me. To see me.
But instead.. I felt invisible.Like I was too sensitive… or just not enough to be comforted.
That moment? It stuck with me.Not because of what he did — but because of the old wound it reopened.
If you’ve ever felt that ache like your partner’s emotional distance confirms a fear you’ve carried your whole life…This episode is for you. 🖤
Today on the Anxious Secure Podcast, I’m unpacking one of the most triggering, magnetic, and misunderstood dynamics in love: the anxious-avoidant relationship.
We’re diving into:
Can an anxious-avoidant relationship really work?Why do they attract each other in the first place?How does the anxious partner mirror avoidance from childhood?
 
What you’ll learn:
Why your partner pulling away hurts way more than it “should”
How your nervous system is reliving childhood experiences — not just reacting to today
Why the avoidant pulls back when you need closeness most
How your needs might feel threatening to someone who never learned emotional intimacy
And what happens when YOU stop taking their distance as proof that you’re too much
 
 I’d love to hear from you:
Have you ever felt that moment... needing comfort and getting silence instead?Share it under the YouTube video. You are so not alone, babe. 🖤
 
Want more support?
Attachment Library
 
YOUTUBE: 
@theanxioustosecurecoach
 
📱 Text + Talk CoachingPrivate voice + text support to help you in those anxious moments...when you’re hurt, spiraling, or feeling unseen. Flexible. Affordable. Safe. A monthly subscription.
https://www.the-marriage-coach.com/textandtalk
 
🎯 Mini-CoursesTo stop overthinking your relatonship or manage text anxiety.
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach#collection-7296bbea-c006-4a7c-bd46-2e21b9f64fca
 
🌱 Anxious to Secure CoachingThis is the full transformation.. with bi-weekly calls + support in-between.
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach#collection-c2462624-55df-4b4d-a2e0-c24816d724b4
 
 
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Anxious-Avoidant Dynamics01:06 Can an anxious-avoidant relationship REALLY work?04:15 What made the biggest difference in breaking this pattern, the Anxious-Avoidant trap?15:55 Why do they attract each other in the first place - the anxious and avoidant?20:11 What's the first thing you can recommend, for Anyone with an anxious attachment can try today?
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

61:Q+A Series: How I healed my Anxious attachment & Why its Easier than you think Part 02

   3min FREE Attachment Style QUIZ:
https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz
 
🖤  Attachment LIBRARY:
FREE Attachment LIBRARY
(worksheets, prompts, quizzes and more) 
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
 
🖤  1:1 Support + Courses:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
 
I used to think healing anxious attachment would take YEARS.Therapy forever. Reading every book. Never quite getting “there.”
But what if I told you it can actually happen faster?Like… within months.. not decades.
In this episode, I’m sharing the exact method I used to go from crying in parks 🌧 to becoming secure, empowered, and finally SAFE in my own body and relationships.
It didn’t happen by luck.I created a repeatable framework that I now use with all my clients:The 4R Method ➞ Release. Rewire. Reconnect. Reflect. 
 
🖤 You’ll hear the behind-the-scenes of my healing process - from spirals and shutdowns… to building confidence, emotional safety, and actual freedom in love.
And I’ll answer the BIG questions I get asked all the time:✶ How did you actually go from anxious to secure?✶ What was the one belief you had to let go of to heal?✶ What did you replace it with instead?✶ What do most people get wrong about anxious attachment?✶ Can you really become secure - even if it’s felt hard for YEARS?
This is your reminder:💭 you are not your past patterns💭 your brain can change💭 and yes - secure love is possible for YOU
You don’t need to fix yourself to be loved.You just need to meet yourself in a new way 🤍
Let’s dive in 🖤
 
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Anxious Attachment Q+A PART 200:51 How did you go from anxious to secure?12:01 What is one belief you had to let go of to heal?17:50 What did you replace this belief with?21:16 What do people get wrong about an anxious attachment style?28:09 What is one myth you hear all the time?
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

60: Q+A Series: How attachment theory changed my relationship + life: From breakdown to Breakthrough Part 01

🖤   3min FREE Attachment Style QUIZ:
https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz
 
🖤  Attachment LIBRARY:
FREE Attachment LIBRARY
(worksheets, prompts, quizzes and more) 
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
 
🖤  1:1 Support + Courses:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
 
I once threw a remote across the room. 😮‍💨I’m not proud of it..BUT I also don’t shame that version of me anymore.
Back then, I didn’t know how to handle conflict. I didn’t know how to self-soothe.
I didn’t know that what was happening in my nervous system wasn’t “crazy,” it was ANXIOUS ATTACHMENT running the show.
In this super vulnerable episode, I take you deep inside my relationship journey… the intense arguments, the emotional shutdowns, and the moment I was literally crying in the grass at a London park thinking, “we can’t keep doing this… but breaking up also feels impossible.”
I also share how discovering attachment theory changed everything — my patterns, my health, my thoughts, and eventually, my career. This is not just about becoming secure with a partner. It’s about becoming secure within yourself 🖤
 
In this episode, I share:✶ The shift that helped me and my partner stop spiraling after fights✶ What I believed about myself when I felt “too much” or “not enough”✶ Why my body was also begging me to heal (yes, migraines + chronic stress)✶ How I stopped needing constant reassurance + started self-validating✶ The real reason anxious attachment feels SO intense (it’s not just about your partner)
 
This episode is your reminder that you’re not alone.And you're not broken. You're just running old patterns.And patterns can be re-written.. thought by thought, action by action.✨
 
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Introduction to Jula's Journey to Being an Anxious Attachment Relationship Coach00:45 What inspired you to become a relationship coach?14:44 Was there a moment when it all clicked?23:08 What was your LOWEST point in love?27:56 What did you believe about yourself back then?31:28 How did us discovering attachment theory shift your life?40:02 What was your biggest "OMG this is ME" moment about Attachment theory??43:23 What helped most when you felt stuck?
 
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

59: the ONE thing you're doing WRONG if you have an anxious attachment (and what works better with the avoidant partner)

If you’re anxiously attached and feel like you’re RUINING every good relationship... this episode might just be your wake-up call 
🖤 Do you chase closeness when your partner pulls away?🖤 Do you try to FIX the disconnection… by doing MORE?🖤 Do you spiral in your head wondering “Did I say something wrong?”🖤 Are you exhausted from overgiving, overthinking, and over performing… and STILL feeling unsafe in love?
 
You're not crazy. You're not too much.But your nervous system thinks you’re in danger—and it’s running the show.
In this episode, I’m sharing:✣ the #1 MISTAKE most anxious attachers make (without even realizing it)✣ why “doing more” actually pushes love away✣ the invisible FIGHT MODE pattern that’s draining your nervous system✣ how to finally feel SAFE without chasing or fixing everything✣ 4 quick steps to get out of the spiral and back into your power and to create more connection with your avoidant attached partner
 
Here’s a story I’ve never shared like this before…
Back when I lived in London, I had this one tiny habit that changed everything…I stopped running for the bus.Like—I saw it coming… and I LET it go.
Why?Because my whole body was in panic mode 24/7.My brain thought every moment was urgent.So I was teaching my nervous system a new truth:✨ We’re not in danger.✨ We don’t have to rush.✨ We’re safe to slow down.
That’s how healing starts.Not just with knowing the patterns—but with retraining your body to feel safe in love 💭💋🖤
 
Listen to today’s episode of the anxious to secure podcast
if you're tired of feeling like you're “too much” or like you always have to work for love.
Let’s shift out of overgiving and into inner safety, one breath at a time ✨🖤
 
🖤  Attachment LIBRARY:
FREE Attachment LIBRARY
(worksheets, prompts, quizzes and more) 
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
 
🖤  1:1 Support + Courses:
https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach
 
🖤   3min FREE Attachment Style QUIZ:
https://themarriagecoach.outgrow.us/attachmentstyle3mquiz
 
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Are you doing THIS wrong too?? UPS...01:23 THE BIG MISTAKE03:53 What happens in your body?05:25 The Cycle of Fight or Flight or Freeze06:54 How it impact ALL other areas of life09:45 The root cause10:18 Why your body thinks we are living in CAVES11:25 The HOW....17:19 Remember this18:33 Quick RESETS: Regulating Emotions and Building Safety
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor. This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions. This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.