The Anxious To Secure PODCAST

127: 4 STEPS: how to detach from a relationship, dismissive AVOIDANT partner from emotions, outcomes!

If attachment hasn't work - try it with DETACHMENT... :)
If you’re trying to detach from your dismissive avoidant partner, stop obsessing over your relationship, and finally feel calm again… this episode is for you 🖤
Because right now?You’re not “too in love.”
 
You’re stuck in anxious attachment, overthinking everything, replaying texts, and feeling like if you just try harder… he won’t pull away 💭⛈️
 
But the truth is…The more you chase, fix, and hold on tight… the more your avoidant partner distances himself.
 
And I know what you’re thinking…“If I detach, I’ll lose him.” 🚩
I used to believe that too.
I used to feel sick to my stomach when he pulled away.Checking my phone. Waiting. Overanalyzing every little shift.
And detachment felt like giving up.Like losing control. Like losing HIM.
But here’s what changed everything for me… 🧠Detachment isn’t losing love. It’s losing anxiety.
In this episode, I walk you through the exact 4-step process to emotionally detach from someone you love, without shutting down or pretending you don’t care.
So you can stop feeling like your mood depends on him…And start feeling secure, calm, and back in control of yourself
 
Attachment Style QUIZ – Take the 3-min quiz to be 100% sure you're Anxiously Attached: 3 MIN QUIZ
 
✶ WHAT YOU’LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE:
➞ How to detach from your dismissive avoidant partner without pushing him further away➞ The REAL reason you feel so attached (hint: it’s not love… it’s fear)➞ How anxious attachment creates obsession, overthinking, and emotional зависимость➞ Why your relationship anxiety is making him pull away➞ How to stop chasing, fixing, and needing constant reassurance➞ The belief shifts that help you emotionally detach FAST➞ How to meet your own needs instead of depending on your partner➞ Mirror work + shadow work to break your attachment patterns➞ How to rewire your subconscious mind and finally feel secure
 
✶ THE TRUTH YOU NEED TO HEAR:
You don’t miss him…You miss the feeling of safety you ONLY get when he’s close 🫂
And that’s why you keep holding on so tight.
But when you finally learn how to detach from the outcome, the relationship, and the constant need for reassurance…
Everything shifts.
He feels less pressure.You feel more peace.And for the first time… you’re not waiting to be chosen.
You already feel enough
 
 
⏰ CHAPTERS:
00:00 How to detach from your dismissive avoidant partner, relationships and outcomes03:04 STEP 01: How to DETACH (awareness)10:07 STEP 02 How to emotionally DETACH (beliefs)23:52 STEP 03 How to DETACH (needs)39:08 STEP 04 How to emotionally DETACH (mirror work)44:28 FAST TRACK: How to detach FASTER!
 
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

126: why do I keep being 🧲 🚩ATTRACTED to avoidant and EMOTIONALLY unavailable men

Hands up if you have an anxious attachment and wonder… why do I keep being attracted to avoidant and emotionally unavailable men?
Then this one’s for you..
…and it’s starting to feel like a pattern you can’t break 🖤✨
At first, it feels SO good.There’s chemistry. There’s excitement. There’s hope 
But then…He pulls away.He shuts down.He avoids emotional conversations.
And you’re left in your head again… overthinking, waiting, hoping ⛈️“Why do I always attract emotionally unavailable men?”
 
In this episode of the anxious to secure podcast, we talk about what’s really going on beneath the surface.
Because this isn’t random.And it’s not because you’re “too much.” 
 
If you have an anxious attachment style, you might feel things deeply, attach quickly, and crave closeness.And without realizing it… you can end up attracting avoidant partners who do the opposite.
This anxious-avoidant dynamic can feel intense, addictive… and exhausting ❤️‍🩹
 
We break down why this happens:
Maybe emotional distance feels familiar to your nervous system.Maybe a part of you feels safer with someone who can’t fully see you.Maybe you learned early on that love means chasing, proving, or waiting.
And sometimes… you’re trying to get love from someone who can’t give it, hoping this time it will finally feel different.
We also talk about something most people don’t want to hear…You might be emotionally unavailable to yourself too.
Not because you’re doing something wrong…but because you were never taught how to sit with your feelings, soothe yourself, and feel safe on your own.
So you reach for someone else to do it for you 
 
This episode will help you understand your patterns, your attachment style, and why avoidant, emotionally unavailable partners feel so hard to let go of.
And more importantly…how to start shifting into a more secure way of loving 
Because you don’t need to become less emotional.You just need to feel safe with your emotions first 🫶
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Emotional Unavailability00:57 What emotionally unavailable actually looks like06:37 Attachment styles breakdown27:30 5 Reasons You Attract Emotionally Unavailable Men
 
FREE RESOURCES:
Attachment Style QUIZ – Take the 3-min quiz to be 100% sure you're Anxiously Attached: 3 MIN QUIZ
✅ Anxious to Secure Checklist – Signs you're becoming securely attached
🚩🚩🚩10 Signs YOU are the Red Flag in your Relationship
🌀 11 Habits To Rewire Your SUBCONSCIOUS MIND Secure Love
★ 3 Steps ★ Stop being "NEEDY" GUIDE
☁️ The Worry-Free ☁️ Flow-Chart for relationship anxiety
  
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

125: Why Am I Still Anxious in My Relationship? Old vs New Attachment Theory Explained

Are you still feeling anxious in your relationships? Wondering why things never seem to shift, even though you “know” your attachment style?
In this episode, I break down old vs. new attachment theory and show why being anxiously attached doesn’t have to be permanent.
You’ll discover why awareness alone isn’t enough, how childhood, sensitivity, and past experiences secretly shape your love patterns, and what it really means to shift toward secure attachment in real life.
 
This isn’t just theory
this is about feeling safe, calm, and confident in love, without overthinking or hyper-focusing on your partner.
 
Attachment Library + more offers➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop
 
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Attachment Theory01:20 How anxious attachment showed up for me03:00 Old vs New Attachment Theory Explained
 
DON'T MISS OUT ON THIS...
FREE Helpful Resources To Go from Anxious To secure, step by step...
 
STOP Chasing Your Partners Reassurance (Free Recourse) - MY 4R METHOD For Reassurance
 
Attachment Style QUIZ – Take the 3-min quiz to be 100% sure you're Anxiously Attached: 3 MIN QUIZ
Anxious ArcheTYPE QUIZ – Discover which of the 4 archetypes you are and how you manage your stress and anxiety
✅ Anxious to Secure Checklist – Signs you're becoming securely attached
🚩10 Signs YOU are the Red Flag in your Relationship
How to Stop OVERTHINKING🚫 🌀Your Relationship in 4 Steps (With Your Avoidant Partner)
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

124: Are all secure men gone? "there are no secure, emotionally available men" proven WRONG

All good guys are taken?
Think there are no secure, emotionally available men left? I’m here to show you why that’s not true… there are actually 620 MILLION single, secure men in the world 🌎 who could be a great match for you.
And the key?
Shifting your own attachment style makes finding them so much easier.
 
Attachment Library + more offers➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop
 
In this episode:00:00 Are all secure men gone? All good guys are taken01:12 PROOF where SECURE, emotionally available men exist02:26 The EXACT number of SECURE single men: 620 MILLION03:44 How to attract secure men if you’re anxiously attached05:17 Shifting towards secure attachment to open the doors to better relationships
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

123: 3 ways you’re accidentally keeping the Anxious–Avoidant cycle alive (And How to Break It)

If you want to heal anxious attachment and stop losing yourself in relationships, this episode is for you.
 
Finally, break the anxious-avoidant cycle.
 
Why do anxious women attract avoidant partners?
Why does the relationship feel like your WHOLE world? And why does everything fall apart after the honeymoon phase?
 
Attachment Library + more offers➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop
 
In this episode, I break down the anxious–avoidant cycle,
how you slowly abandon yourself, and the 3 shifts that move you from anxious to secure attachment.
 
You’ll learn how to stop over-focusing on your partner,
regulate your nervous system, set healthier boundaries, and build a strong sense of self inside love.
Because secure love doesn’t mean less connection.It means more SELF.
 
CHAPTER:
00:00 Anxious Attachment01:56 Secure Attachment02:59 Avoidant Attachment04:10 Disorganised Attachment05:32 Consequences of Anxious Attachment16:12 Shifting to a Secure Attachment Style
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

122: *5 Things* to stop your anxious attachment (WITHOUT changing him)

If you're anxious-attached, here are ways to stop your anxious attachment!
 
 
Attachment Library + more offers➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop
 
How to stop anxious attachment.How to stop being anxious in a relationship.How to stop chasing an avoidant partner.
If you feel everything intensely…If you overthink his mood, his tone, his short replies…If the more you seek closeness, the more he shuts down…
This episode is for you.
I used to live in one tiny room in London with my partner.Every weekend was supposed to be “quality time.”Every weekend ended in arguments.
 
I wanted closeness.He wanted space.I felt abandoned.He felt overwhelmed.
 
And I truly believed:“If he just changed… we would be fine.”
But the shift didn’t happen when he changed.It happened when I did.
In this episode, I’m sharing the 5 things that helped me move from anxious attachment to earned secure attachment.. while staying in the same relationship.
These are not fluffy tips.These are real mindset and behavior shifts that stop the anxious-avoidant cycle.
 
Inside, we cover:
🖤 Why you must stop taking his behavior personally🖤 Why not everything means abandonment🖤 How you’re secretly pausing your life for him🖤 Why demands and “shoulds” kill attraction🖤 How to set boundaries that actually work (without begging or threatening)
 
If you constantly think:“Why does he pull away?”“Why am I always the one trying?”“Why do I feel abandoned so fast?”
This episode will help you regulate your nervous system, challenge your core beliefs, and finally stop chasing love from fear.
You don’t have to fix him.You don’t have to beg for closeness.You don’t have to live in emotional chaos.
You can build security from the inside out.
 
And when you do…The dynamic changes.
 
Remember:Change in your relationship starts with YOU.Thought by thought.Action by action.Episode by episode.
 
 
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Anxious Attachment Style02:43 01 Taking Things Less Personally06:42 02 NOT everything MEANS abandonment11:14 03 STOP pausing your life for your partner16:18 04 STOP demands and should's in your relationship19:08 05 STOP telling him how to be treated (show him)
 
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.

121: Understanding the Anxious-Avoidant Trap (why he pulls away when you get close)

Understanding the Anxious-Avoidant Trap a huge part of my breakthrough a few years ago, just before I started becoming securely attached.
Before I just could NOT understand...
Why does he pull away when you try to get closer?Why does it feel like the more you love, the more distance you create? 🌪
 
THIS will make so much more sense when you go deeper on attachment theory.
 
If you’re anxiously attached and dating (or married to) someone more avoidant, this episode will feel VERY familiar.
I’m sharing this not just from theory — but from my own relationship.
Years ago, when we lived together in a tiny room in London, my anxious attachment was constantly activated. I needed reassurance. I wanted closeness all the time. I didn’t even realize how critical and intense I was becoming.
And the more I reached for him…the more he shut down.The more I pushed to “fix it”…the more defensive and explosive he became.
That’s the anxious-avoidant trap.
One partner seeks closeness to feel safe.The other seeks space to feel safe.
And both end up feeling misunderstood, hurt, and dysregulated.
In this episode, I break down:
🖤 What the anxious-avoidant cycle really is🖤 Why the more you chase, the more they withdraw🖤 Why it’s not just “the avoidant’s fault”🖤 The hidden “void” anxious partners try to fill🖤 The 3 unmet core needs driving your anxiety (certainty, connection, significance)🖤 Why co-regulation turns into emotional chaos🖤 How I shifted from anxious to more secure — while staying in the same relationship
This isn’t about blaming you.And it’s not about blaming them.
It’s about understanding that both nervous systems are activated.Both people are trying to feel safe.Just in opposite ways.
And here’s the truth most people don’t say:
Your partner cannot fill a void that was created long before you met them.
Healing anxious attachment means learning to meet your own needs first — instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel whole.
Because when you regulate yourself…the dynamic changes.
And yes — avoidant partners can become more secure.Mine did.But only after I stopped chasing from fear.
If you constantly think:“Why does he pull away when I get close?”“Why do I feel abandoned so easily?”“Why am I the only one trying?”
This episode will help you see the pattern clearly - and what you can actually do about it.
 
CHAPTER:
00:00 Intro Understanding the Anxious-Avoidant Trap01:33 What is the Anxious-Avoidant Trap?04:31 Why you're chasing closeness so much in relationships
 
Remember:Change in your relationship starts with you.Thought by thought.Action by action.Episode by episode. 
 
 
Attachment Library + more offers➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
 
 

120: *7 ways* How to THRIVE with an avoidant man & make your partner OBSESSED with you

How to thrive with an avoidant man, love an avoidant partner, and stop chasing in an anxious–avoidant relationship 🖤✨
If you have an anxious attachment style and you’re in a relationship with an avoidant man, this episode will feel painfully familiar 👀
I break down the anxious–avoidant cycle in simple words and show you why neutral moments suddenly feel threatening, why you lean in when he pulls away, and why chasing, fixing, or people-pleasing feels safe in the moment but creates more distance over time 🔄
We talk about how to live with an avoidant partner without walking on eggshells, how to love a dismissive avoidant man without losing yourself, and the four conditions that decide whether an anxious–avoidant relationship can actually work 💭
You’ll learn why it only takes one person to break the cycle, how emotional regulation changes the entire dynamic, and how to stop making your partner your only source of safety and reassurance 🧠✨
Then I share 7 practical rules that helped me and my clients feel calmer, more grounded, and more secure while staying in relationships with avoidant partners. This includes how to give space without panicking, speak up without criticism, and create closeness without pressure 🤍
This episode also naturally covers how to deal with an avoidant partner during stress or conflict, how to stop obsessing over his moods, and how to shift from fear-based attachment to clarity and self-trust 🫂
This is not about manipulation or making him change.It’s about changing the pattern and choosing yourself—thought by thought, action by action 🎙✨
 
 
Attachment Library + more offers➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop
 
CHAPTER:
00:00 What is the Anxious Avoidant Cycle?06:19 4 Conditions to make the Anxious Avoidant Relationship work12:22 How to THRIVE with your avoidant man
 
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
 

119: Avoidant attachment or 🚩Narcissist? 7 OBVIOUS signs how to tell them apart

Avoidant attachment or narcissist?If you’re anxiously attached and dating someone emotionally unavailable, this question can feel impossible to answer.
In this episode, I explain the difference between avoidant attachment style and narcissism, and why anxious partners so often confuse the two.
Some behaviors look similar on the surface, but the intention, nervous system response, and emotional capacity underneath are very different.
 
You’ll learn how to tell:• avoidant attachment vs narcissistic behavior• dismissive avoidant or narcissist in conflict• shutdown vs gaslighting• emotional unavailability vs manipulation• love bombing vs avoidance in early dating• why boundaries reveal the truth quickly
 
I also explain:• how avoidant attachment is formed• how narcissistic tendencies develop• why anxious attachment is drawn to both• how your body signals emotional safety or danger
 
If you’ve ever searched:avoidant attachment or narcissistdismissive avoidant or narcissisthow to tell if my partner is narcissistic or avoidantrelationship red flagsanxious attachment dating
this episode will give you clarity.
 
The real question isn’t what label your partner has.It’s whether your nervous system feels safe.. or stuck in a roller coaster of intensity, confusion, and self-doubt.
 
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Attachment Styles and Narcissism01:05 Conflict02:19 Attention04:06 Emotions04:23 Boundaries06:02 Early Dating07:04 Intention10:14 Upbringing
 
👇 RESOURCES 👇
💎 Courses✨ Stop FINALLY Obsessing Over Texts
➞ https://www.julanoelle.com/textanxiety
 
💛 Free Stuff – 30+ resourcesFree Attachment Library + more offers➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop
 
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.
 

118: Brooklyn Beckham & wife 🚩 Nicola Peltz EXPLAINED now (attachment styles, narcissism, cutting off Family)

In this episode, we break down the Brooklyn Beckham family situation through attachment theory 🧠✨ because THIS will reveal the truth, what's actually happening in the beckhams family life NOT gossip.
NOT drama.
NOT taking sides (well..maybe a little) let me know WHICH side you are on, TEAM Victoria or TEAM Nicola?
But real PSYCHOLOGY behind love, loyalty, power, and fear of abandonment
From one EX-anxious attached girl, to you, so you can learn from Brooklyn's dating mistakes..or heart break mistakes, as he is NOT even dating anymore.
 
We talk about:
➞ anxious attachment vs avoidant dynamics
➞ why romantic love can feel SAFER than family
➞ when “choosing your partner” turns into emotional survival
🚨 ➞ the cutting off family trend and when it’s healthy… and when it’s NOT 🚩
➞ how power, control, and unmet childhood needs show up in adult love This is NOT about blaming Brooklyn Beckham or Nicola Peltz.
 
This is about asking the deeper question 👀💭
“Where do I see MYSELF in this story?”
 
#brooklynbeckham #nicolapeltz #attachmenttheory #narcissism #relationshipredflags
 
 
If you’ve ever:
➞ over-chosen a partner 🫂
➞ felt torn between love and family 💔
➞ stayed loyal even when it hurt 🌪
➞ feared losing your relationship more than losing yourself 🥶
 
This episode is for YOU 🫶✨ 🎙 Unedited. Real.
Attachment theory explained simply.
 
Remember: change in your relationship starts with YOU. Thought by thought. Action by action. Episode by episode.
 
 
CHAPTERS:
00:00 Understanding Attachment Theory13:14 Analyzing Brooklyn's Attachment Style27:01 Exploring Nicola's Background and Behavior36:28 Cutting off the family TREND (is Brooklyn's Beckham's behavior justified?)
 
👇 RESOURCES 👇
💎 Courses✨ Stop FINALLY Obsessing Over Texts
➞ https://www.julanoelle.com/textanxiety
 
💛 Free Stuff – 30+ resourcesFree Attachment Library + more offers➞ https://linktr.ee/the.anxious.to.secure.coach/shop
 
 
 
DISCLAIMER: I'm not a therapist or doctor.
This content is for informational and entertainment purposes only. It's not intended to diagnose, treat, or heal any mental health conditions.
This is not meant for situations involving abusive relationships of any kind. Always seek professional advice for personal health concerns.
 
Remember: Change in your relationship starts with YOU, thought by thought and action by action.